Brittaney--Personal Statement of sorts

Brittaney Check---
I love impromptu snowball fights. I love when we can shed all the rules and inhibitions which force us through fear to be something simply because it seems that that is what we are supposed to do. this is the second half of a blog I've written, because things like this give me a slight pain of anxiety because I know that what I write might come off to a lot of people as cliche or cheesey or just too much. and I am scared that by being what I value most, by being genuine and honest, that I am making a gamble that later, when I face an excrutiatingly awkward moment or people who really don't like me, I may wish I had not taken. Art has always been the one place where I have let myself gamble despite the whirring concerns in my head and the obligation and expectation that have crippled me in other times in my life. Above all, I hope of this class to be pushed to a place of uncomfortability, to produce something I never believed I could have a hand in producing.
I have been painting for a year and a half now, and engaging in art-like behaviors of sketching and musing since I could hold a pencil. I love impromptu snowball fights, and automatic drawing, and the beauty in which children undertake things with little or no inhibitions. However, I also find comfort in the silence and certainty of manifesting a figure with charcoal and the precision and intention with which one creates films and animations. When I began painting my senior year it was the first time since before Junior high in which I didn't calculate an assignment. I moved the gesso with my fingers across canvases taller and wider than my height following only what I like to believe was my intuition. I searched for a mark, a gesture, a shade that somehow could portray the honesty I felt I had lost in always trying to be something for someone else. And so that is what I want again, and want sounds selfish, so perhaps more precisely put, yearn and hope for. I hope I can, with the insight of those in this course, amalgamate the fearlessness and honesty of exploring and creating like a child with the precision and intention of filmmakers like Michel Gondry, Charlie Kauffman, or Jan Svankmeier.
I admit somewhat sheepishly that this class brings a rush of adreneline to my system. I have such hopes for this class and the opportunity of growth and the promise of challenge that it brings. I am somewhat terrified, and I know that I am taking this a bit seriously, but I am somewhat terrified to waste this opportunity. The worst thing I could do is remain comfortable and continue to paint exactly as I did as a Senior in High School. And so I hope this hybrid course does bring something new and unexpected, and something that will fill me with the same bubbles of laughter and appreciation for life that an impromptu snowball fight with your closest friends can bring.
I think by now I may be the last post, because I agonized over this a bit unnecessarily, and am still a bit uncertain that I've conveyed anything of importance to all of you who must read this. But I suppose that I just want to say Bring it on, because I want to rise to the occassion and learn everything that I can from my peers in this course. To say the least, I'm really excited.